Shackle-free

source: www.murmursofmyheart.wordpress.com
 
 
 
 
I am a prisoner
Caged in this field
Free to run, scared to try
Statusquo pays, makes you smile
But never makes you grin
Grin enough to make me free
These shackles are safe
And everyone else is moving around; mimicking freedom
The voices of their shackles sing otherwise
Pretending they aren’t curious of what lies behind the walls
 
 
 
Instead they wait for who will be the first to try; yet another cell transfer
While cheering like an ignorant mob
Swim against the tides
Take off the mask
What is all these to you?
What do you make of all these?
Aren’t you just a million fragments of what you see, hear, been fed?
All these diluted truths
All these fact painted lies
All of these that you have become
That you are so scared of running away from
Cos’ its so safe and warm
 
 
 
Zombie-like you like what is liked, hate what is hated?
Can’t think on your own, didn’t forget how to
You just never knew how to and now you are afraid to start
Cos your own voice sounds foreign in your head
Never been used to it Never liked it aye?
It always was contrary
Stood out like a growing black polka stain in the midst of white
White elephant, sour thumb, prodigal
Funny thing is, its not shouting, struggling like the usual uniformity you are used to
Its so gentle, clear and certain
You almost feel like you’ve discovered you
You almost feel like you are holding the keys
You know you are no longer imprisoned
 
 
Date written: 2:09am. June 3rd 2014
 
 
Picture credit: http://www.murmursofmyheart.wordpress.com

I like you

I think I like you…
I can feel the currents of you well up inside of me
Reaching my gut, like a satisfied new perfume bottle
It feels good, when it races to and fro my veins
Like I didn’t survive till you came

I want to like you
My heart is all goose pimpled; reliving its 16year old teen self. Im all open, vulnerable and innocent again
Excited like a carefree toddler

I know I like you
Flawed as I am, I strive to crease my imperfections for you
Flawed as you are, im ready to reach a compromise

I really like you
I want you to see who I am
Hear my never spoken stories, my unsung lyrics
Watch my beautiful silence and know it doesn’t mean Im sad
Embrace my crazy excited moments
Let me discover me as I allow you, a fellow traveller yourself

 
I want to fall in love with you
I want to touch your black hair all through the years till it turns grey
Hear your voice graduate from fresh boy to chairman in my aging ears
See you hold our newborn; our own never-to-be-duplicated combo
And see your manly sternness melt into fatherly goodness
I want to be there when you go all wacko during midlife crisis
And share my menopausal craze with me
And when we are both old and aged, hands locked tight
I want to watch the little drops of our lineage swim around us in happiness
I want to love you
Yes, I want to love you

My Girls; Bring back my girls

I didn’t cry
I couldn’t
Perhaps i should have
They said i should be a man and pray
Comfort my wife and hold my tears in
So i did
And it welled up inside me
Like cultivated mass garri in a boarders bucket
It swelled
Until my heart could take it no more
I closed my eyes, but could not sleep
I wailed somewhere inside but no tears dropped
I was silent but i talked
I ate, but did not taste
I mourned like a mother but smiled like a strong man
I looked but did not see
All i saw were my daughters
Vanishing before my eyes
As the day went by amidst vivid memories
A birthday remembered slowly losing their characters
I could do nothing to help them
I couldn’t live with my thoughts

So i did nothing when my heart reached out to me, to fight for life
I let it go, left hope behind, i let go
The last thing i heard before i breathed my last goodbye
My girls screaming out, my running feet, my heart beat; the helplessness of it all Continue reading

FOOTBALL

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Football is more than a game

More than a trophy won

More than sweaty adrenalin drunk men and their pissed off mates

Its more than than crazy bets and colored jerseys and flags

Its more than angry supporters and dissapointed coaches

Its a whole lot more than a round leather object and 48 entertaining legs

Its an unbroken circle of unity, love and togetherness

A passionate embrace and pungent tears of men made of bricks

Its the rekindling of relationships long dead

Its families being knitted tightly

Its a house full of people that come together regardless of their religion and tribe differences

Its discord born, sustained through generations; sadly the death of some

And yet Its the only thing some agree on

Its a change of mood that can make or mar the whole week

Its the screaming, laughter and cooking of supportive mates

The shrilling noise from happy children too young to understand,but still elated at the sound of GOAL!!!

Its the release of anger

The stab of pain from a loss

The injury of a valuable player

Smell of fresh patriotism, once upon a time, stale and rotten

The conversation starter

The strife eraser

Its the beginning of a friendship between neighbors

Its the do or die kick by a dedicated player looking to save his country

Its the zest by which the goalkeeper strives to ward away goals

Its the passionate patriotic act that pushes people to walk miles to the nearest football media center

That drives anger through our veins when there is power failure

Its the unrestrained emotions of a composed spectator

Its the prayers and belief of an atheist

Its an awakening

A discovery that a second can make a difference

And a minute can change the course of everything

It reminds us of the fact that life is fleeting

That all can change in a moment and an obscure person can become a celebrity in a blink

 

Football is life

Football is passion

Football is unity

Football is reconciliation

Football is more than a game…

Football is a chain reaction

Football is a revolution,

Football is change!

Today didnt Happen

quotes4125

 

 

Today didn’t happen
You didn’t say goodbye and I didn’t cry my eyes out or eat my pillowcase out
You didn’t try to make it better and I didn’t cry all the way home despite stares
You didn’t start the sentence with “we need to talk”, you never do that’s my line and I didn’t stand up and walk around when you started talking
You didn’t try to hold me and I didn’t let you hold me,as i sobbed

I didn’t start begging when you said there was no one else, time was just all you needed
I didn’t go all lunatic and yell and pace as I wrenched out of your embrace and you didn’t sit down and bury your head in frustration
I didn’t tell you that I didn’t know what to do if you left and you didn’t sigh out loud
I didn’t ask for one more chance and you didn’t decline,shake your head and let out a tear
I didn’t feel like I was breathing on black smoke,snuffing out my life and you didn’t watch me from a distance
I didn’t feel like screaming on the streets as tears climbed down the bridge of my neck and you didn’t walk briskly after me as I took speedy steps

Today you said goodbye but as i said today didn’t happen…

walking words

Photo: thought catalog

 

I——misses——–U

When I say I miss you
You must take the words with a pinch of salt
Or perhaps you hear sarcasm in my voice
As I try to mask my true feelings
Or maybe you think I say them, because others say it
What a waste that will be
And you should know by now
I don’t waste my words when it comes to you
You should know by now
When I say it, I mean it
Either with my head bowed or
In laughter, never in anger

When I say I miss you
I give it a thought
If not Questions like
When are you coming back
You miss me, abi?
What are you doing over there sef, thats keeping you?
Will come up
But no, they don’t
I say it point blank, bulls eye, needle eye
I miss you
And no, I don’t miss you much
Cos adjectives have a way of drying meaning
I simply mean I miss you

And no its not simple
Its not the general word, people say
When you leave a job because it is customary or its usual
Its not routine, like the sentence ending a traditional phone call
It not the pinkish words ending girly chatter
Its the kind that men shy away from, when they say goodbye to each other
When they want to be men
Only mine is deeper

You see, when i say i miss you
I mean, my whole being misses you
My heart aches, my eyes flood
My knees weaken, my lids bulge
My hands sweat, my head aches
My tummy churns, my mouth muffles
My hair stands, my fingers ruffle
My ears tingle, my nose itches
My feet freeze, my skin bumps
My bones ache, my voice howls
Cos they cant bear when you are gone
Don’t you get it? That even my spirit mourns when you are gone?

When i say i miss you
I miss you real bad
Tell me, do you know how bad, bad is?
Bad like an empty field without feet
Like an echoing house begging for inhabitants
Like Mr without a S
Like Miss without an I
Yes, the way U misses I on the alphabet street
So when I say I miss you
I miss you
I mean it, i mean I MISSES U, misses U real bad….

1.17am, 21st Jan, 2013

walking words

HOT!!

I’m trying to be friendly,
I Shed a few layers
But still nothing
The tension is thick,
You aren’t budging
Let some air out, come on!
Dnt be so uptight!
Just a little breeze, a teeny weeny one…
Cos,right now I’m finding it hard to breathe
And now sleep is the least thing on the mind of my eyes
But my skin has some over-sabi job, sweat!
And dear weather, I’m sure you know PHCN by now
They find a way of doing the vanishing act when you least expect them to
So, Come on, let out some air, don’t be so uptight!
Its hot, come on! Way hot!!

Lokoja: And the waters flowed…

This water that had swallowed aging Alhaja and her daughter, Sikira 

 

That had stolen Emekas first shipment of goods 

 

This water came in and sealed the bond of the newly wedded couple with the death do us part seal

 

And it changed the status of a young boy from comfort’s son to orphan

 

Tell me you don’t hear the silent prayers as people met with the water and succumbed to it

 

There is a young wife with five children waiting for her driver~husband that will never come home

 

The end of a thriving business that signified the toil of an aged couple

 

Carcasses of livestock lie decorating the water like meaty delights in a big bowl of soup

 

I hear the goverment could have done something to minimise this situation

 

They say there were forecasts, I wonder if the power people paid any attention

 

If they did, will there be roofs peeping out of chocolate colored pools and small canoes brimming with people a little too many taking a death ride?

 

Tell me…

 

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A Part of Me

I thought I heard a strange sound, a sort of cackle and then I remembered it was you; Lilian, that’s what we named you when we saw you…hubby said you looked like a flower when he laid his eyes on you. I was indifferent, now that I know it is you, I don’t want to get up.
Despite the immobile feeling, I muster all the courage I have , get up and walk towards your room.
I pause at the door, I hear soft sobs occasionally interrupted by small gaps of silence.
I open it, the light from the corridor bounces on the cradle; my feet are too heavy to move. My heart beats an inconstant rhythm. I hear some shuffling in the cradle, its almost like I can feel her eyes as her sobbing reduces to babbling. I have never been to this room, alone like this.
Leye usually followed me or he came alone to comfort her when she cried for attention
Now, Leye was away; it was I and this baby. This baby I had found difficult to care for, if not for mama who tucked her in bed today, I don’t know how I would have survived it but mama was fast asleep now. I had waited over 20minutes to hear her walk into the room or wait for the cries to die down
I move closer to her cradle and stop just close enough to see her face.

Our eyes meet; its the first time
I look away. We’ve been together: 3 months now and I haven’t stared into her eyes. 3months since she was adopted, 7years married with no child
If Leye hadn’t talked about this over and over again till it became a memory verse. I won’t be standing here looking at this child who wasn’t mine
This child who didn’t come from my womb, who I had no morning sickness or cravings for, who I had no labour pains for, I didn’t miss my period for this child or rub my heavy, rounded belly and stare at the mirror with leye behind me smiling in admiration.

No!I didn’t scream in labour for this child. This child is not mine!no matter what surname she bears…this child…
Her cackle interrupts my brewing thoughts. She lifts her right hand, as if to reach out for mine. My heart skips a million beats in a split second.
I feel my feet move closer to her cradle
My eyes start leaking tears, I feel my hand touch the cradle; I can feel her movements.
I feel my heart open like a bud…
Her fingers touch mine and my whole body jerks away from the cradle
I hear something like a friendly cackle
Something stoned up in me, lost all its granule and melted away. I smile, my eyes are still leaking. This baby, I feel like holding this baby.
This baby I say isn’t mine.
I lean in closer, let my hands down and pick her up. I’m not sure if my trembling hands can hold her safely
I hold her inches away from my face
She looks at me intently, and breaks into a smile, and then..and then…she touches my cheek.
This child, touches my cheek
I hold her close and smell her oiled hair
I feel her skin, her breath
I feel the whole of this child
The silence in the room is binding
All that I hear is both of us breathing
It sounds to me like the heartbeat of a mother and child.

My brother

The forerunner, my risk taker. For if you didn’t run, I wouldn’t have dared to fly. For if you didn’t think, I wouldn’t have dared to dream. For if you didn’t believe, I wouldn’t act. If you didn’t question,I wouldn’t dig deep. If you didn’t plant, I wouldn’t harvest. The king joker of all times, as annoying as a big brother should be…
My adviser, my critique, my comedian, my friend, my small daddy… There are words to describe you, just check the dictionary for all the words that involve mischief, funny, and everything nice. Happy Birthday, Big bro!
A.k.a the bullet…the world doesn’t see you coming,but you penetrate.